Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

Warning! This blog is written by someone learning this lesson on a continual basis, who is challenged everyday to live this out.   Hopefully this will challenge you as well.

Relationships.  Relationships are the currency of the kingdom of God.  Relationships are so important that Jesus died to have one with you and me.  So we should recognize the weighty importance of the relationships in our lives.  As the old adage goes, no man is an island to himself.  Your choices, your words, your habits, everything you do affect those in relationship with you.  Since relationships are so vital to this life, we have to learn how to navigate and handle them properly, in a way that is pleasing to God and healthy for ourselves.  

Warning number two- (this is a shocker)- I am NOT an expert on relationships.  As a matter of fact, I would say that I am a novice in so many ways and have so much to learn! However, I have learned a few key principles to walking in forgiveness.  One of the most important things in a relationship is to not drink the Kool-Aid!   Joyce Meyer says it this way, “Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”  You cannot have a healthy relationship with unforgiveness and bitterness in your heart.  Believe me, I know how easy that is to say and how very difficult it is to live!

Here a few ways that will help us keep a God-perspective and walk in healthy, loving relationships. 

1.      Give up.   Give up your right to be right.  At the end of the day, you have to decide that the relationship is more important than the argument, decision, misunderstanding, or mistreatment.  Even when you have the right to be upset, mad, and hold a grudge, give up!! Jesus did the same for us.  We were wrong in every way possible yet He still loved us and gave up heaven to rescue us! That’s our example.

2.      Operate in the opposite.  Our emotions can be our greatest enemies.  So when you feel like writing something nasty on Facebook or gossiping to your girlfriend or giving someone the cold shoulder, do the opposite.  Speak kind words, even if you don’t feel them.  Take that person to lunch or buy them a small gift.  Listen.  Be present in their situation.  In the midst of doing the opposite of what you feel, your emotions will begin to line up with your actions.  Your heart will soften as you do something kind for someone who hurt you. 

3.      Remember.  Remember the things about your relationship that are valuable to you.  Remember that everyone makes mistakes and that we walk in God’s grace in order to extend His grace to others. Remember that you have been forgiven as well.  As Francois de la Rochefoucauld says, “One forgives to the degree that one loves.”  And remember God helps us in our weaknesses and enables us to love and forgive in the most difficult of situations.  When we reach the end of us and our ability to love and forgive, we can always trust Him to love through us.

Friends, let’s learn to rise to a higher level in all of our relationships, a place where forgiveness, grace, and love reign.   As Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

-Constance McCroskey